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Things to Do Back Home When…You’re Dead

So we’re almost at the end of my bi-yearly visit to the good old U, of…er…K.  When I was a China newbie there were lots of “you’ve been in China too long when…” lists floating around, so here’s my amusingly compliled counter-culture shock list:


A two hour train ride isn’t really something you consider “long distance”

You count money twice when you withdraw from the ATM
You use “ATM” instead of “cash point” or “cash machine”
All dealings with the bank must be done in person – telephone or Internet banking is completely untrustworthy.  
Three beers a night is “relaxing” and you’re still good to drive
TV is really, really good.
Privacy is a long forgotten concept.  
Everyone is fat.  Like, really fat.  Really huge-ass-don’t-think-about-buying-that-burger-fat.  You fear that women could crush you with their enormous thighs.  
There are less advertisements on TV.  
Newspapers have informed, well written op-ed pieces.  In fact, reading the newspaper is an absolute pleasure.
The China Daily is a shocking 20rmb (yes, I did find a copy in the Manchester train station WHSmiths)
Thrift stores aren’t thrifty enough.
Facebook is completely unnavigable.  What the hell happened to that thing?
No one seems to believe that you are who you say you are or how old you are.  
There’s information on food.  Calories and stuff.  
Who’s been sticking these nasty photos on cigarette packets? 
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